They appointed some very important thought leaders to devise the plan which they plucked and then called the Ultimate Solution. Senator Cruz got the call when he was up on the roof with his fathers racing pigeons. He took one knee when handed the phone. He slowly looked up, turning toward the camera and in a badly dubbed Sino-American accented English delivered these prophetic lines, "we must forever guard our border like a jealous mother inlaw. Like the hasty groom".
Those words or variations on them had been uttered every time young Theodosious 'Celia' had accompanied his maternal grandfather to his gentleman's afternoons at the dog track. Then the two wobbled their way back back back to their Roman cul du sac.
The Honorable, temporary, former once and future Gov. Sarah Palin, would represent the evangelical or so called "called" woman's view, and Gov. HG "Barnabas" Huckabee was selected both because his extensive knowledge of scripture and his notorious spiritual advisortorials. Also out of respect for his keen wit and understanding, and generous nature he selected Texas Native Son - Sen Teddy Cruz widely renown for his Constitutional insights and coalition building skills. Truly a man "beloved" in the halls of the Senate. Whenever he saw a camera or thought a camera might see him, the go to move. Down on one knee - hand poised to brow.
They had a plan with multivariate stages. Part one was to locate the Mexican immigrants by taking a traveling Mexican Heritage Festival from the Carolinas to California weaving as far north as Michigan and as far south as Orlando. Identifying attendees and participants. A dusting of nano-tech gps tagging dust was sprayed in every public area and was laced in every food and drink item allowing each individual a unique identifier.
Senator Ted "Theodosious" Winnifred Cruze fall back into old habits when as a man of the streets he had made it a habit of once a month of strolling down Resurrection Blvd. at a gentle pass slow enough for adoration fast enough to avoid the inconvenient questions. Questions must like the one that mayor was pestering him about although the T man had been feigning an inability to understand his interlocutor's speech.
He suddenly turn on the man jabbing his finger deep into his tie and proclaims In a profound face and a stenitorious tone - like my grand sire was oft to point out- "we must forever guard our border like a jealous mother inlaw. Like the hasty groom".
Gradually as this Hispanic Cultural Carnivale wove across the north east south and last across the west, headed ever slowly inexorably southward, crucial data was being collected over twenty-70 beluga bytes of data were collected each day. Sen. Ted 'Celia' Cruz was stand with the bishop and a murder of priests stood looking on and smacked their lips. Ted stood, like the good soldier or secret agent he'd long thought himself slowly nodding next to the Bishop as he smiled the smile of a favored son. He felt a tugging on his sleeve, he looked closer into the umbrella tree and glimpsed who his childhood friend Maximo Rodreiguez Claro, there nearly invisible except to Senator Teddy.
Combined with the whispering Hispanic Speech Recognition Technology of the new drone patrol ( criss ) - some might say, double crossing the sky above. A massive fountain of data points were being collected on Hispanic Americans and their sympathizers and fellow travelers Italians and Slovaks.
Senator Ted told Maximo where to hide in the parkinglot so they could speak together after Senator Ted's speech in favor of the Old US ( you know a whispered voice confided) the Ultimate Solution. Later Sen Ted tells his driver to take a hike, while he had a brief tet e tet. He waved Maximo over to the limo and jumped into his limo slamming the door but lowering the window enough so Maximo could explain his troubles.
The first idea was to place a large ceramic plate in each town square with 5 thousands tacos and a couple fifty gallon drums of high grade pasteurized salsa. At each city, gradually moving them south toward Los Bordero Ariate. But a whistle blower was quick to reveal that these giant plates piled high with taco, both meat and veggie had a special tickling prize inside.
The recipe was part of a purported perverted powerful plan that would include shaking a generously proportioned dusting of radioactive chili powder so that those who indulged in these deadly dishes, could then be readily detected at a later date by simply augmenting the broadband radiation detection equipment to the universal google recorder vans providing near continuous scrutiny as they constantly in circumnavigate neighborhoods through out the land.
The outrage over the "hot" and spicy giant taco plates had nearly abated when phase six of the Ultimate Solution was finally rolled out. New Homeland Security drones were placed in circumnavigation at strategic locations with the latest in hypersonic Hispanic Speech Pattern Detection Technology. Maximo later in hushed tones explained that his last two relatives had not only gone native and changed their last names to Sinatra from Suarez-Guadeloupe-Gussman. He was now at his wits end and his eyes pleaded "could he, Senior Tedikins, un grande amigo de la pueblo, help his childhood friend Maximo and his little family find shelter.
This was followed up by the announcement that Texas would soon be hosting a month long series of Hispanic Cultural Exhibitions and Grande Fiestivas Mexicanos. Spanish Language, Literature, Poetry, Spanish Cooking and Music Celebrations were held as well as open air language lessons.
These and other geographically diverse activities were all to culminate in this Month long Fiesta in Texas.
Towns all along the border were crowded with Federal Projects with housing and Transportation receiving generous federal grants and travel vouchers were sprinkled like a tropical monsoon at the traveling carnivals so families could travel to the newly revitalized border sector and participate in the many cultural show cases.
Suddenly there on the border fireworks went off an three famous braceros broke through from their cross border tunnels
There in the town with lawmen scattered in disarray these criminals delivered a public feast free to all who attended, which of course earned more than one strapping young Hispanic Actor and Actress a "HBO MOVIE CONTRACT".
Gov Palin was not to be outdone by these carrot wielding "exhuberantes tejanos" as they were styled. She offered with rockin Ted Nugent riding shotgun at her side to guide a twenty-thousand burro burrito run from the barrios of Chicago to the completely refurbished Tijuana Hilton which had received interestingly dark funding to add ten thousand rooms.
END PART !